But engagement though is not on the cards yet. To Vidya Balan, love is when you begin to see yourself in another person's eyes and you like what you see there. On her recent trip to the city, the actor decodes 'Ishqiya'
Critical acclaim, commercial success and controversies. All that has been part of Vidya Balan's life in the recent past. And now, there are also rumours of her getting engaged to corporate honcho Siddharth Roy Kapur — who also happens to be the elder brother of actor Aditya Roy Kapur of "Guzaarish" fame. Kolkatans have even gone to the extent of claiming that since she loves all things Bengali, she has chosen to date someone with a Bengali surname! But, fact is, Siddharth Roy Kapur doesn't have roots in Bengal and the Roy part of his surname has a Punjab-connect . Vidya, who was in town to promote her commercial with Chandrabindoo, shares her Kahaani.
Three back-to-back releases — "Paa", " Ishqiya" and " No One Killed Jessica" — have had you in performance-oriented roles. As an actor, can you rate the most challenging one?
It's very difficult for me to do that. When my mother watched "Paa" , she said she felt as if she was seeing me on-screen the way I am at home. Javed saab said that all through the film, he felt I'd slip out of the character. But that never happened. After "NOKJ" released, Shabanaji said that there was not one false note in my performance. After watching "Ishqiya", Vishal (Bhardwaj) said: "I could never see you in the film. It was your character everywhere." All compliments are important but these are very special. As for myself, I still think "Paa" was the most difficult role. Playing Sabrina (Lall) was straight and one had read so much about the incident. There is a seductress in every woman. In that context, my role in "Ishqiya" wasn't that unknown to me. But before doing "Paa" , I had never connected with my maternal instincts. Moreover, it's very difficult having Mr Bachchan play my son and me having to tap his head the way I would do with my family members. I had grown up watching his movies and getting under the skin of a character that demanded all this from me was very difficult. As an actor, that's also what I like.
There's already a lot of criticism regarding you playing Silk Smitha in "The Dirty Picture" what with Vinu Chakravarthy allegedly claiming that you just don't have it in you to play that role...
I take that as a compliment. It's true that I am absolutely not like Silk Smitha. I thank Milan (Luthria) for having faith in my acting abilities to cast me in this role. Of course, I'll be needing a lot of hand-holding for this role. I am not impersonating Silk Smitha. For me, it's about the person beneath the buxom body. Many find her sexually offensive. But I feel one has to understand the choices she made during the 70s and 80s. Today, we live in a global village and are exposed to a lot of things. Reality shows encourage people to be the way they are. It's far easier for Rakhi Sawant to say what she does today without people reacting to it. But when Silk Smitha was around, it wasn't easy to be a woman and do what she did. She was clear that she wanted to be a frontrunner at any cost. If displaying her body was the path for it, she had no inhibitions about choosing that route. During those days, Silk Smitha never played the female lead in the film and yet ensured that she got equal billing as a hero. That, I think, is commendable.
Do you have any inhibitions about how bold you'll get on-screen for this movie?
I am an actor and I don't have any reservations. But yes, as I said, I will need a lot of reassurance for this role. There can be instances when I might have reservations and not want to shoot some scenes in movies because I feel they are not important in the larger scheme of things.
You've done backless shoots for magazines, used cusswords in movies and are now portraying Silk Smitha. At this age and stage in your career, do you still need to get all these vetoed by your family before shooting?
It's not about age or stage. No parent would feel comfortable to see their daughter play a seductress and discuss the role threadbare. My father, I think, didn't even understand the language in "Ishqiya" too well. My mother watched me and liked my portrayal. My family knows the profession I am into and they respect my choices. I like to share whatever is happening in my life with them. They have two questions to ask me when I have such scenes. They want to know I trust the people I am working with and if what I am doing is actually required. If I've the answers to that, they are okay with it.
You are very close to your family. Do you really have any secrets?
Of course, I do. I don't believe that my parents are my friends. They are my parents and I love that. Even when I turn 80, I'll still be their little daughter . Of course, there are some secrets that I can't share with them.
Like... being in love?
(Giggles) I thought that's my secret.
Define love and being in love...
Love is when you begin to see yourself in another person's eyes and you like what you see there. Being in love is when you begin to realize that everything else around you is inconsequential , when you feel all problems in life will surely get sorted out, when you feel very large-hearted , when you want to share that feeling with others and feel like hugging everyone around.
So, are you giving jadoo ki jhappis?
Yes, I just did. Or let me put it this way — I like when I see me now...
In his eyes?
(Laughs) I feel like a teenager now. Dil toh bachha hai ji...
In today's age when everyone is living for the moment, is marriage a necessary conclusion for a relationship?
Some things don't change. For most people, it's important to believe in the possibility of something beyond this moment. But for the moment, let me enjoy being in the moment.
From sensual, sari, Sabyasachi and SRK — what's between you and the S word? Is there a connection?
(Laughs out loud) As South Indians would say: Yesssssss. I'm ready to play seductress to SRK in a sari for a Sabya film. Hope Sabya casts SRK in the film that he is planning to direct.
While on South Indians, have you dubbed in Malayalam for 'Urumi'?
I've a song and a couple of scenes in Santosh Sivan's 'Urumi . It's my gift to my parents as they've always wanted me to do a Malayalam film. My mother always says I speak better Bengali than Malayalam. So, I've also dubbed in Malayalam for 'Urumi'
Of late, you've been a subject of controversial issues about you agreeing to pose nude for MF Husain or wearing a bikini for the annual issue of a mag or your marriage/engagement issues...
I was not even in the country when all these topics about me posing nude came up. I never posed in a bikini and all that one sees on the magazine cover is photoshop work. I plan to sue the magazine for this. As for the third issue, marriage or engagement is not on the cards.
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